Mom Talents

Being a mom is my dream job.  I make people for crying out loud!  The only catch is that I assume the responsibility of raising said people and turning them into upstanding individuals capable of taking on the next generation of our world.

No biggie.

These adorable little people of mine think I'm the greatest, even though I am clearly not.  They also drive me bananas, and still I love them more than life.  And gummy bears.  Fun fact: As I wrote that last sentence, Fiona was busy emptying an entire bottle of body wash into the shower.

Not kidding.  Yet another sacrifice to the shower gods.
 
I'm no pro at this mom business, but I do have 7 years of experience.

Throughout those years I have discovered some hidden talents. (I use the term loosely.)  Talents that only a mother could appreciate.  Special skills that aid in my survival.

Here are a few of my "Mom Talents":

I am the queen of the one-wipee diaper change.  Yes, I can efficiently change a poopy diaper using a single baby wipe.

I can make a grilled cheese sandwich (my fave) and hold a baby at the same time.

I can sleep on a mere one-foot wide section of my bed when necessary.  And you'd be surprised how often it is necessary.

Case in point.

I never claimed to be a sleeping beauty.
Plus I'm a drooler.  Just keepin' it real.

I understand several different languages, including Two-year-old, Whining, Imitation sign language, and my favorite, Grunt-and-point.  (I truly hate the grunt and point.)

I throw a decent birthday party.  Like this one.  Or this.  And this one too.

I have the ability to remain calm in any situation.

Ha!  Kidding about that last one.  But wouldn't that be grand! Cue flashback of my most recent trip to the grocery store.  It's been nominated for three awards: Biggest tantrum in the history of tantrums, Most mortifying public experience, and Worst possible outcome for refusing to buy strawberries.

Oy Vey!

"I'd like to thank all the little people."  One in particular.

I can just imagine the entire store breaking into cheering and applause when we left.  Seriously though, has that ever happened in real life?


What are some of your mom talents?